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Anxiety Understanding and Healing – Part 1

I thought I understood anxiety until my doctor put me on a new medication, then I learned so much more. Anxiety is fear of the future, and boy, did I have it. Fear of what I would do, not do, and what would be done to me and not for me was constant. With the medication, I was never out of anxiety. I found there was nothing I could do to change what was pulsating at lighting speed through my body. Here is the understanding I experienced and learned:

  • My whole being was off. I could not find me.
  • I could not get focused.
  • I could not sleep well.
  • Nothing I tried or did brought relief.
  • Sometimes, I felt human again for a moment. Then it was gone.
  • Everything was racing inside of me – heart, pressure, etc.
  • I wanted to find some way to jump out of my body and run away from myself. No way to do that!!
  • I wanted to settle and find God somehow, but I could not settle enough. I kept racing.
  • It was constant
  • It interfered with any ability to think and focus.
  • I literally walked in circles.
  •  I was running inside of myself.
  • I talked fast, like I was on speed, uppers. That is not me,
  • I thought I had instantly developed ADHD.
  • I wanted to take ANY medication, ANYTHING, to stop this awfulness. I could see why addictions, which run in my family, could start with anxiety.
  • My body was tense. When I did have a moment of relaxation, it started again.
  • I struggled to make any decisions or say anything because I was so frightened I would do everything wrong!

First, I want to apologize to everyone with intense anxiety for not understanding the depth of the pain and struggle you were/are experiencing. I am sorry.

I would appreciate you sharing your struggle with me now so we can help others.

  1. When did your anxiety start?
  2. Can you remember what happened when it started?
  3. What helps you deal with it?

Please share so we can help others. In the next post, I will share what others found helpful and what I know as a psychologist.

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