Anxiety Understanding and Healing – Part 1
I thought I understood anxiety until my doctor put me on a new medication, then I learned so much more. Anxiety is fear of the future, and boy, did I have it. Fear of what I would do, not do, and what would be done to me and not for me was constant. With the medication, I was never out of anxiety. I found there was nothing I could do to change what was pulsating at lighting speed through my body. Here is the understanding I experienced and learned:
- My whole being was off. I could not find me.
- I could not get focused.
- I could not sleep well.
- Nothing I tried or did brought relief.
- Sometimes, I felt human again for a moment. Then it was gone.
- Everything was racing inside of me – heart, pressure, etc.
- I wanted to find some way to jump out of my body and run away from myself. No way to do that!!
- I wanted to settle and find God somehow, but I could not settle enough. I kept racing.
- It was constant
- It interfered with any ability to think and focus.
- I literally walked in circles.
- I was running inside of myself.
- I talked fast, like I was on speed, uppers. That is not me,
- I thought I had instantly developed ADHD.
- I wanted to take ANY medication, ANYTHING, to stop this awfulness. I could see why addictions, which run in my family, could start with anxiety.
- My body was tense. When I did have a moment of relaxation, it started again.
- I struggled to make any decisions or say anything because I was so frightened I would do everything wrong!
First, I want to apologize to everyone with intense anxiety for not understanding the depth of the pain and struggle you were/are experiencing. I am sorry.
I would appreciate you sharing your struggle with me now so we can help others.
- When did your anxiety start?
- Can you remember what happened when it started?
- What helps you deal with it?
Please share so we can help others. In the next post, I will share what others found helpful and what I know as a psychologist.