MORE ON WHY LOVE
We worked hard to survive, learn to love, and be loved despite what we endured being traumatized. We had to go beyond the pain and choose to heal and love instead of hate. If we do not choose healing and love, we stay angry and bitter, adding to the pain and violence in this world.
Many members of our families or situations cannot or will not believe that people hurt us. They choose not to accept the truth as if that will make it all disappear. They cannot believe those wonderful people they know or knew could ever do what you are describing. Often the people who hurt us were wonderful to them. I also hear, “It could never happen in my family!”
Others may blame, shun, and/or scapegoat us making us wrong again. We may even hear, “You deserved what they did to you!.” Making it all our fault. These attitudes add to our pain of not fitting in and not being loved. It is their choice, and we must accept it
Learning to love others after so much hurt was easier than learning and accepting being loved. I learned from others I was a bad person and did not deserve it. Being loved was scary because people taught me that when they told me they loved me, they would hurt me beyond anything I can put into words.
My ultimate learning is that forgiveness must go deep to release the memories and the painful feelings buried in us. These memories and feelings remind us of past hurts and protect us from being hurt again. Forgiving the deep, painful feelings frees us powerfully. In doing, we also free others and help heal our world.
- What memories and feelings do you hold to help you not be hurt again?
- Do they interfere with learning to love and be loved? How?
- What stops you from forgiving at a deeper level?